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Dasymutilla occidentalis
You are correct about the sex - it is a female. And yes, the stinger is quite long... and retractable AND they can direct it where they need it!
Here's what a male D. occidentalis looks like:
http://www.projectnoah.org/spottings/847...
the stinger is huge! i try to remember to wear shoes around dusk when they come out.
you can hear the sound it makes here
http://soundcloud.com/richarddevine/reco...
This was on my front porch. I believe it female because it doesn't have wings. It makes a funny sound when startled. My hummingbird feeder was dripping, this attracted the small ants then this wasp (the cow killer) showed up. Maybe to eat the ants?